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Sausage Swipes: Week 1

Good day ladies and gents, it’s your favorite sausage serving up your dosage of humor. This will be the first of hopefully many blog posts about my experience with the online dating scene, particularly dating apps that require you to swipe (hence the name Sausage Swipes).

I will be rating each profile based on the strength of their bio section from 0 to 10. A 0 would be the lowest score and a 10 being the highest. The name “Sausage Swipes” is still in beta testing, so I’ll let you know when the scientists have it all figured out.

In this first edition of the series, I’ve swiped through a few interesting people to say the least, and I’d like to share my thoughts with the class. Disclaimer, I’m a harsh grader.

Up first is Shelby! As you can see, Shelby likes to drink wine. She would also like to be brought to ikea. Overall, I give this bio a 4.7/10. I love the spirit, but no first date in their right mind is gonna wanna go to ikea.

Up next is Molly, who has made it clear that she is not pregnant. Based on her sense of humor and misspelling of the word “good”, I’m going to give her a 7.3/10.

The last bio in this week’s edition of Sausage Swipes is Nina, who’s swimsuit is actually matching and is absolutely on-point (peep Molly’s swimsuit and tell her to figure it out). Nina’s swimsuit however, not matching her bio. The fact that she’s at the beach in a swimsuit even though she can’t swim, is absolutely FTB (for the boys, if you don’t know now you know). Tie that together with her great bod, I give her a 8.8/10.

I hope you enjoyed this segment as much as I enjoyed swiping through some of the local talent. More Sausage Swipe blog posts to come. Consider all that on my tab.

johnnysausage View All

Podcast personality, sports fanatic, sausage enthusiast

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